This is an old facebook note that I wrote last year that i just reread and wanted to enter on my blog to have for my journal keeping. PLEASE NOTE THIS WAS WRITTEN ONE YEAR AGO AND A LOT HAS CHANGED! I would like to keep the story as-is for my journaling purposes!
thoughts on authenticity and living life with the dolby turned off....
by Kristine Corneiller Stein on Sunday, October 25, 2009 at 4:39pm
To live an authentic life 'coram Deo' you must turn the dolby off. All these years living next door to Bob Burch with just a wall separating us can make this comparison vivid. For those who don't have the pleasure of knowing Bob, he is an amazing, hard working, music producer. For fourteen years we had the pleasure of being his next door neighbor and treasured friend. He has worked with countless up and coming bands and have given many young just starting out bands the push into sucessful. Bob goes against the grain pushing young christian bands to work harder than the world to display their God given talent, bringing them to the point of audible perfection. All through the night he would work with each band member over and over, laying each sound track note by note. We could not sleep, nor our babies, unless there was a base or drum track was being laid. It would be so funny to hear the final outcome of each song and be able to pick out the base line that had subconsciencly been running through our mind for weeks. Bob would get so excited after countless hours of working on a song that he could not wait to grab Steve or myself, or anyone he could for that matter, to hear his art work. Hearing music in Bob's studio sounded amazing with his quality of equipment. I could not imagine, especially for us having an audible familiarity with each sound, having the dolby turned on. Honestly, i don't get why anyone would want to have the dolby turned on??? To take the highs and lows out would be just plain gross.
To live an authentic life not hiding behind whatever image, if any, you must turn the dolby off. I just don't get those people that go through life always just even keeled. I wish i could turn off my dolby but i don't think i was made with that feature. My highs are so high that i freak people out. I have been told that my attitude is not often believable when i am full of joy and love that it seems fake until people get to know me. Same with my lows. They are so ugly that they make me run to Jesus. I am learning to treasure a godly character in respect to an authentic life. I desire this. I can't do this on my own. (I am adding to this -12/11/2010-that the above comments in no way suggest that i suffer from a mental illness. My choice of words when i wrote this was, once again, over dramatic. Self control is a fruit of the spirit and i do have it, though i have not mastered it, and as David, when the Spirit of the Lord moves in my heart i will dance-that is what i meant. )
The last, almost ten months now, have been such a different direction for us. For the first time in a long time i don't feel fueled by a constant joyful expectation that i seemed to have in California. There are glimps of it here and there. I think if i have ever walked through the desert it is now. This is the first time I wish i had a dolby button. Every day all i hear is "wait, be still....". We left Cali on a high after Steve loosing his job and the journey of trusting God for life. We were soooo fueled by the amazing community that we walked authentically through life with. The impact of our friends through that time will speak to our hearts forever. We were so encouraged as we parted, being sent out 'to green pastures'. I had joyful expectation that had replaced an attitude that just three months prior would have been the worst idea ever, in respects to moving to Kentucky. Life void of dolby has been brought to a new set of ears. I have no doubt that God is the producer of this tune, though it is very unfamiliar and there are very new instruments to be mastered. I am tempted to construct the dolby feature but i know that would sound like crap.
It seems that every time i pick up a new instrument as instructed on my lesson plan i get it taken away. I know and trust the Composer so why do i throw such a fit? All i hear from other is that it will be amazing. Heck usually i am the one to passionately personify that idea. This time all i hear when i hit play back is junk. I see things in my life that i have never seen before. I see things that are a necessity for building joyful expectation, things that carry the high notes that not everyone can hear. Things that i hold on to that make the lows so very low are rising to the surface. Am i going through the 'Refiner's fire' like i have prayed for since i started on this journey? If so, why am i not moving ahead? I 'hear' the voices of the ones who helped build that joyful expectation i lived in (shout out to facebook for being the transporter) but i just want to 'see' them, to make this a melody.
Is it really beneficial to live authentically? After all, only a fool vents all his feelings. Does our world operate on dolby and must you also in order to play? There are so many schools of thought, so many ways to play this out, and ways to make the harmony sound magnificent. Bottom line, the rules need to be founded on the words of Life to where they make your blood run Bibline. Void of dolby, authenically living, bearing joyful expectation, letting the waters flow to overflow from the Source, needs to a product of surrender. Strip it down, lay it out, burn it up, fall in love, and surrender. Bob would work on a track until the musician bled or wanted to have Bob committed. If they surrendered their talent would be brought to a new level and would actually be desired to be heard. I get this, so why do i fight this?
I like my old shoes and don't want to take them off to trade them for the new ones. The new ones are not my style. Yet when i 'go shopping' i ask my Daddy what He thinks and tell Him to pick them out for me. These are the ones He thinks are best. What a pouty, sulky, ungrateful kid i am. I see this attitude and i desire to be purged. Yet, i feel like i don't have the strength to even stoke the fire on my own.
"Suffering brings perserverance, perserverance character, and character hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because GOd's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Romans 5: 3-5). This has been one of my favorite life lines since i was 17. I need to let this wash and transform my mind and heart so i can continue on, authentically, out loud, and not for my own praise or glory but for the glory of the One who can weigh one's heart and actually change it to fully satisifed in all He has, even the shoes.
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